Claudia and Martial Arts
by TheMushroomExcuse
Summary: HG teaches Claudia kempo, with the help of Myka.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I am not affiliated with the creators, actors, or anyone involved with the making of this wonderful SyFy show, Warehouse 13. I am not using this literary work for monetary gain. I am only borrowing these characters and previously created plots to have a basis for my imagination. In other words, I love this show. I never want it to end.

A/N I was inspired by tonight's episode after Claudia was fighting with that woman. I was like, "What would happen if Warehouse 13 was light and funny, and HG was back and she taught Claudia kempo?" Then I was like, I have to write something.

Here goes!

"Awh HG this is so boooring. When can we get to the jabs, kicks ,and punches?" Claudia said, while looking down at a clunky manual of Kempo terms. Claudia had asked HG to help her with some self defense moves, since she was officially a warehouse agent who may need to defend herself. Unfortunately for Claudia, HG liked to approach the situation the old fashion way.

"Before you can fully understand the physical aspect of kempo, you must first understand the history behind it, and the mental processes needed to perform it at the peak of your ability." HG replied, looking up from her science magazine. They had been sitting at that table for about two hours now, and the agents were getting bored. Claudia was reading about how the art form originated, how it gained popularity, and how one can use it today. It was more boring than the Warehouse manual, that was for sure.

"HG, I am already past the whole mental preparedness section, the history, and all of that boringness that I surely do not need to know about in order to give someone a black eye. Pleaseeee can we learn the basics? I will finish the manual this weekend! Well, after grumbly Pooh Bear gets what he wants." She said, as she haphazardly tossed the manual on the nearest table. HG looked up from her magazine, and gave Claudia a look just as Myka walked in.

" Hi guys, whatcha doin'? Myka asked, curiously. HG was about to reply when Claudia cut in.

"Oh, HG was going to teach me kempo, but all she wants me to do is read this ridiculously gigantor manual, and then call it a day. I mean, there is only so much reading I can do in one sitting! I am not you guys, the walking encyclopedia's!" Claudia replied, exasperated.

"Oh, well you know HG, when I taught Claudia how to do some cool self defense moves, she was pretty awesome, you know! Then, she taught me to hack the grid. That girl is smart!" Myka said, and looked at Claudia with pride.

" Thank's Myka! You were pretty rad at hacking. You know HG, if you are too busy for silly little Claudia, Myka and I can always-"

"No, that is quite alright. Myka, do you mid if I use you in my demonstration, since you already know the basics from when I taught you?" HG asked.

"Sure. I've got time." Myka replied. The three women walked out to the back yard, where it was more open.

"I will teach you the basics right now Claudia, only if, as you mentioned, you read the manual this weekend. The whole literary work. I also want a one page paper on the importance of a sound mind and body in martial arts. And by one page, I mean one page front and back. No more, no less, and no big handwriting. No computer type."

"Oh alright. You are just like Artie!" Claudia shot back, a playful tone in her voice. ."Thanks HG"

"Myka, you stand over there. First, I will teach you the Obscure Wing. As I am sure you have read, this move can help you ward off an attacker who has grabbed your shoulder from behind you." HG explained, as she walked toward the front of Myka.

"Myka, I want you to put your hand on my shoulder." HG instructed. " From here, you are going to use your left hand to pin the attacker's hand against your shoulder and then deliver a right elbow jab to the attacker's solar plexus. Like this." Hg said, as she was about to demonstrate. Myka put her had on HG's shoulder. HG took her hand opposite Myka's and grabbed on to her hand, holding it in place. She then shifted her body to the left, and served an unsuspecting blow to the other woman's middle. She obviously did not hit her hard, but it was enough to make her presence known.

"Uh, HG, what in the Warehouse's name is a solar plexus?" Claudia asked, confused.

Myka answered, "The solar plexus, also known as the Celiac plexus, is the area on the coronal plane in the center of the body. It is behind the stomach." Every one looked at her funnily.

"You still find this as a shock? I was pre- med before I was pre -law before I joined the secret service, you know." Myka countered.  
" Okay then Myka. Thank you for your enlightenment." Claudia said, relieved.

"Righty ho then, let's get back to the lesson. That blow was only one of two moves. The second move involves the follow up. After the previous move, follow up with a right hammer fist to the groin and then drive the right elbow back up into the chin. This should create enough separation for you to step forward in safety. Let me show you the complete move." HG said, as she got in the ready position. Once again, Myka placed her hand on HG shoulder, and HG followed through by clenching her hand, jabbing her stomach, hitting a little lower, and gently pushing her elbow up to make contact with Myka's chin.

"There, and that is the sequence. You want to try?" HG encouraged Claudia.

"Uhm, sure." She replied meekly.

"Why don't your try it on me first." HG ordered.

"Mmmk." Was the young agent's only reply. HG stood behind Claudia, and Claudia went through the motions. When she got to the right elbow to the chin part, her foot slipped and she tripped HG, resulting in the two women falling in a heap on the grassy ground.

"How's that for flailing?" Claudia asked, smiling.

"Pretty grand, I'd say." HG told her, smiling as well. "Why don't we try that again." So they did. This time, Myka tried it with Claudia. They did just fine, and HG was beaming.

"Splendid! Now, why don't you do it again, only with me this time?" The third time was no different, Claudia did a satisfactory job.

"Okay, now that you have that move down in slow motion, why don't we step it up a notch? I want you to stand over there, about 15 feet from me. Myka, I want to to quietly sneak up on Claudia, and grab her shoulder like we have been practicing. In the meantime, you and I Claudia are going to talk about hacking." Seeing what HG was trying to do, Myka quietly slipped off into the woods behind the young agent.

"Oh, you know, each computer has it's own pair of flaws, and some types of computers…." Claudia started to ramble. HG replied here and there. After about two minutes of this back and forth conversation, Myka put's her hand on Claudia's shoulder. Snapping back into reality, Claudia immediately goes into fighting mode, delivering a perfectly choreographed Obscure Wing move. HG was very impressed, as was Myka. Claudia was careful not to actually hurt her friendly attacker.

"Well done, Claud." Myka congratulated.

"Yes, a good job indeed. Now, let me teach you about the Raining Claw."

A/N Chapter One, a success. Should I continue? I have some funny idea's that involve Pete, and Claudia's new fighting skills. The Raining Claw move in real life is pretty hilarious. Please Review!


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: Standard disclaimer from chapter one applies.

A/N: Here is the next chapter. I lost all of my initial ideas, so I had writers block for a while on this story. I hope you enjoy! Dickens the cat is mentioned!

"If your attacker tries to serve you a right uppercut, the raining claw technique is the counter attack. Step backwards away from the punch and quickly and forcefully drive your right arm down into the attacker's arm, catching it in the crook of the elbow. Now step into a left palm heel thrust to the bridge of your opponent's nose. Then, drag your fingertips down his or her face in a clawing action. Finish the move with a right punch to the head." HG informed Claudia. "Like this-"

"Wait, HG. What's a right uppercut? I mean, I need to know what the offensive move is if I can even hope to defend myself." Claudia asked.

"Oh, dear. You are correct. "A right uppercut is a swinging blow directed upwards towards the person's face, darling." HG replied, a bit to casually.

" And I take it you use it a lot then…" Claudia asked.

"Well, yes."

"Isn't that ever so comforting." Claudia said, with a mock British accent."

"Couldja show me?" Claudia asked.

"Sure." HG said, getting ready to exhibit her skills.

"Hey peeps! What's goin' on?" Pete said, as he stumbled out of the doorway.

" HG is teaching me kempo, because, ya know, I am gonna be out in the field more often, and I figured that some self defense lessons would be a good idea. Myka here has been teaching me other moves also, but she suggested that I give kempo a try as well. I haven't broken my toe again, either." Claudia replied.

"Oooo can I join? I can show you some ka-chow, some hi-ya, and some boom-pow." Pete offered, as he punched the air in front of him.

"HG?" Claudia said, as she redirected the question.

"Sure, why not. It can be a self defense party!" She agreed.

"Yay." Pete said, as he put on his little boy happy face.

"As I was saying, let me show you a right uppercut. Actually, Myka, Pete, would you care to show our dear Claudia what it looks like?" HG asked, getting the three back on task.

"Okayyy! I wanna be the victim!" Pete cried.

" Fine. That means I get to punch you." Myka said, with an air of taunting in her voice.

" Well I get to play the violent death scene!"

"Pete, you don't die with a normal right uppercut. You just get knocked out." Myka told him.

"Well, yeah. But can't I just pretend?"

"Fine, fine, fine. Just get over here." Myka stepped over to the side in front of Claudia, and Pete joined her. Myka got close to Pete, and she balled her right hand into a fist, and quickly swiped upward, and made slight contact with Pete's jaw. Then, Pete sauntered backwards, put his hands up in surrender, and yelled "Have them name something after me! Just not a mall…" Then he put his hands over his chest and slumped over in the grass.

"And the award goes to… Pete Lattimer!" Claudia yelled out, clapping.

"Thank you, thank you." Pete said, standing up with mock surprise.  
" For the most unconvincing death, and inaccurate reactions!" Claudia said, cracking up.

" What? Awh Claudia. I deserve more!" Pete whined.

"You are such a child." Myka said.

"I would have to agree; in my time, it was inappropriate to lay in the grass." The older Victorian said. "Claudia. Do you understand? Can I show you the raining claw now?"

"Yes ma'am. I understand."

"Good. Now, I shall show you what the raining claw looks like. Myka, will you assist me?"

"Okay." Myka replied as she walked over to HG.

"Myka, you will be the attacker. And I won't actually hurt you." HG said, as they got in the ready position. Myka swung her fist up towards HG's jaw, and HG dominate arm instinctively drove down into Myka's elbow crook. Then, she shifted her body to the right, and took her palm on her left hand and gently hit the bridge of Myka's nose. Then, she curled her left fingertips, and dragged them down Myka's face. Then, HG stepped back, and let Myka regain her balance.

"See? Simple. Now, you and I shall try."

"Hmm okay." Claudia said, as she stepped up to HG.  
"Ready?"

"Yeah." HG tried to slug Claudia's jaw.

"Now, try to deflect it with your right arm." HG instructed, while Claudia was busy taking the instruction. "Very good. Now, take your left palm, and hit the bridge of my nose with it. But please, don't actually punch hard."

Claudia did as she was told, and successfully completed the raining claw.

"Wonderful, darling. Now, why don't you try it in fast motion, and on Pete, over here because he looks bored." HG said, as she looked over at Pete, who was busy whining to Myka.

" Pete, get over. You are going to give Claudia a right uppercut, and she is going to deflect it . Come, come." HG motioned, and she went and took Pete's spot standing next to Myka.

"You ready Claudia? I won't actually hurt you if you don't hurt me." Pete said.

" Okay. Now let's get moving." Claudia agreed. They stood in front of each other, and Pete swung his fist, and Claudia reacted the way HG had instructed her to. Up until the very end, she was doing magnificently.

"Ooow owww Claudiaaa." Pete whined.

"Oh my gosh I am so sorry Pete." Claudia apologized. When Claudia got the claw part, she accidently put too much pressure on her fingertips, and her fingernails scratched Pete's face.

"It looks kinda like Dickens's got you." Myka said, as she walked over to Pete to clean him up.

"You know, I can't believe that my other self liked cats." HG said.

"What I can't believe is that Artie actually likes him!" Claudia said. "I mean, for a guy who is so grumpy, he sure likes soft and cuddly things."

" Yeah. Pete, let me clean you up." Myka said, as she glanced over at her partner who had a cut on his cheek that was slightly bleeding.

"Kay. Claudia, be careful next time."

"Sorry Pete. Next time, I will not claw your face."

"Would you like to learn one more move for the day? Then, you'd better get started on the essay. We can learn more later, but I think three moves is adequate for one day."

"Of course! But HG, come on. Do I have to write that essay?"

"Yes. Now get over here. I am going to teach you the thrusting salute, which is used to counter a front kick. You must first check the incoming kick, delivering a downward blow with your left arm to the inside of your opponent's kicking right leg. Then, deliver your own right kick to your opponent's groin. As soon as your right foot plants on the ground between your opponent's legs, snap a right palm heel thrust into their nose so you can have the freedom to step away. Make sense?"

"Actually, yes. I don't think I need a demonstration for this one." Claudia replied.

"Why were the other ones hard then?"

"I don't know, I guess it is the way my brain is wired. I am weird like that."

"Lets get started then." HG said, as she was getting ready to help Claudia learn this practical move.

Meanwhile, Pete had a plan. Myka knew the most about kempo after HG, and he wanted to get back at Claudia in a fun way.

"Hey Myka, do you know any other kempo moves that can be sprung at a person at any time?"

"Yeah. I know one that involves a handshake. Why?" Myka asked, curious.

"I wanna play a trick on Claudia." Pete said, simply.

"Oh no you don't. Revenge never wins. Besides, it was an accident!" Myka said.

"Awh but come on. Please?"

"No."

"I'll write up your reports for a month!"

"You hardly write your own reports. I'll just end up doing them both. "

"Okay, well… I'll stop calling you a nerd for three months!"

"And?"

"And… I'll buy you a three month supply of Twizzlers."

"Deal. Just don't hurt her." Myka said as she smiled and stretched her hand out for Pete to shake. "Now for this move…" Myka started explaining. His plan was golden.

A/N: Thank you for reading. Please leave a kind review, if you wish. Next chapter will be the last chapter, and I think it will be shorter than the rest, just to wrap things up. Hope you will stick around to see Pete's plan spring into action!


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: Standard disclaimer from chapter 1 applies.

A/N: As I said, super short. Hopefully this will wrap up nicely.

After Claudia had finished her training for the day, HG suggested that they go through each move again, quickly.

"I volunteer! I would love to be her opponent, as long as she doesn't kill me in the process." Pete said.

"Very well then." HG agreed. "Pete, I want you to make sure that you only do the basic moves. I want you to put your hand on her shoulder from behind, I want you to serve her a right front kick, and I want you to give her the right uppercut. In any order. Okay?"

"Yes ma'am." Pete agreed, a mischievous smile plastered to his face. They got in the ready positions, and Claudia was ready. HG and Myka were observing from the sidelines.

"Hey Donovan!" Pete yelled, as he right kicked Claudia.

"Think fast!" Claudia yelled, as she threw his right leg out of the way, kicked him, and face palmed him.

"HA!" She yelled, as Pete was regaining his strength.

"Keep it up Claudia!" Myka yelled.

" You're doing wonderful!" HG agreed. Pete swung his fist up to her jaw unexpectedly, but Claudia was ready to provide the counter. Her palm connected with Pete's nose, and she lightly scratched his face.

"Thank you for not clawing me this time." Pete said. Claudia didn't reply. He was getting excited for their final show down. The hose was in place, and he was ready. Pete snuck behind Claudia, and he put his hand on her right shoulder.

"I've got you now." Claudia said, as she launched her right elbow to Pete's solar plexus. Then, she balled her fist to hit him in the gut, and then raised the elbow back up to serve the final blow.

"Great job Claudia. You're a natural!" HG encouraged.

"Okay okay you win." Pete said. "I am not going to ever play kempo with you again."

"Yeah, well it's not a game Pete." Myka said.

" I know that, now. Good game." Pete said, as he offered Claudia a hand shake as a final gesture of the fight.

"Good game to you too, Pete." Claudia said, as she smiled. After Pete shook her had a few times, he launched his plan.

"Not so easy, Claudia." Pete said, as he pulled her forward. He planted his knee softly to Claudia's ribcage, and then he chopped his left arm into her right arm's elbow to break the handshake. He then used his right arm to elbow her face.

"What the heck Pete! Poor sportsmanship!"

"Take that! Thanks for teaching me it, Myka!" Pete said, as he started running.

"You're gonna have to teach me that one." Claudia said, as she glanced quickly over to a sheepish Myka. "But in a minute. I gotta go pulverize Lattimer first." With that, she chased Pete over to where he was picking up the hose.

"Don't you dare.!" Claudia yelled.

"Well I do dare!" He countered, as he sprayed Claudia.

"All in a day's work." HG said to Myka.

"Yeah, just wait until tomorrow. She's gonna wanna learn that move." Myka replied. The two ladies walked inside, out of the line of fire.

"You're gonna get it, Lattimer."

A/N: The end! Thank you for reading! Please leave a kind review!


End file.
